One major difference between players and referees is that referees can’t go to practice. Sure we can read the LoTG and the Advice To Referees, but real improvement can only come from doing matches, making mistakes, and learning from them. Of course the spectators, coaches, and players don’t want to hear/know that a referee is using their match as a learning experience. But my view is that I try to learn something from every match. Sometimes the mistakes/lessons are obvious and the results are equally obvious - and sometimes the mistakes are subtle but with results that are obvious. This weekend I definitely had a learning experience involving the latter - a subtle miscalculation that had dramatic effects on the match. As I move up and get higher-level and more competitive matches, I’m finding the mistakes and miscalculations often involve gray areas in the LoTG and man/match management.
Here’s the situation of my match yesterday -
The Midwest Regional League is a very competitive regional league involving teams from the 13 states of Region II. I was doing the middle in a U17 boys MRL match. We had White vs. Red. Everything was going remarkably well - the players were composed, very skilled, and generally settled. I was feeling really good; always well-positioned and consistent. At 43 minutes, white plays the ball over the goal line for a goal kick. The ball goes a long way, and the red goalkeeper is walking to the ball, and walks it back. As he gets back to the goal line with the ball, a teammate is telling him to hurry up - to which the goalkeeper responds “It wouldn’t be a problem if they didn’t kick it so f@#*ing far”. Now. . .the GK is at the 6 and I’ve already taken up my position at midfield for the goal kick and I heard it from there. So I go to the GK quickly debating whether I can caution him, but to hear his F-bomb from that far away I definitely feel like it requires some action. Since he walked to retrieve the ball, I felt like he’d already earned a caution for delaying the restart and combined with the potty mouth I chose to show him the red card for the F-bomb. Of course, the red coach went bananas. Typical argument from the players “it wasn’t directed at anyone” and such. I added some time and then ended the half. But after the send-off, the match was never the same again. The second half felt like little more than damage control. Of course, the parents and players then wanted every little trifling expletive red-carded as well.
My handling of the situation was supported by the LoTG, but in retrospect I feel I definitely handled the situation poorly. Indeed, the players were quite well behaved up to that point and there was little to no dissent. In fact, it was pretty remarkable for U17 boys. In the second half, dissent increased dramatically and play became much more ‘chippy’. So while the send-off was allowable according the the LoTG, it absolutely did not fit the spirit of that particular match. Those of you who read my blog know that I try to ask myself, “What does this match need from me today?” That match did not need a red card from me that day. So in that sense, I feel like I failed and will have to learn from it. Indeed, a friend pointed me to an excellent USSF memorandum on the subject. Key quotes that I picked up from it -
* “The referee must intelligently apply common sense, feel for the spirit of the game, and knowledge of the way in which player language can affect management of the match in order to distinguish effectively among these forms.
* “Language or gestures can also be “offensive, insulting or abusive” with the result that the player involved is required to leave the field and is shown a red card. The fundamental principle in recognizing offensive, insulting, or abusive language is that the referee must protect the safety and enjoyment of the participants as well as the fairness of the play. Accordingly, language that is generally accepted by players, does not produce adverse or aggressive reactions, and is generally tolerated by them should less likely result in a red card being shown.”
By sending off the GK, it showed that I lacked a feel for the spirit of the (that) game. Further, while the blast radius of the F-bomb was huge there was no threat to the “safety and enjoyment of the participants” and was unlikely to “product adverse or aggressive reactions”. Again, at that point in the match it just didn’t need a red card from me.
If I had it to do over again, here’s how I would have handled it -
When I got to the goalkeeper, remained calm and casually told him (and only him) that I had to do something about the F-bomb. I didn’t want to send him off, but couldn’t just let it go either. So I’d show him the yellow card for delaying the restart (which I felt he did earn) and that he needed to keep his language in check. This would have allowed everyone to feel like I’d dealt with it, it would have let him save face and it would have given him a reason to keep his mouth in check after that. Of course it’s impossible to say that the second half would have been any easier had I handled things that way, but. . .if I’d handled things that way and the second half went into the toilet, it wouldn’t have been because of a singular incident involving the referee.
Again, a subtle mistake in the gray area of “what can you do” vs. “what should you do” that had dramatic impact on the match. I’ll definitely remember this lesson.
Addendum: If you’re asking “Well, why didn’t you just show him the yellow card for foul/abusive language?” the answer to that is that’s not possible as foul/abusive language is listed as a send-off and not as a caution. You could split hairs and say the caution was for unsporting behavior, but that’s a different discussion for a different day.